Jetiquette Judge: A Foot in the Tray.

Dear Jetiquette Judge,

I was on a flight recently covered in the media in which a passenger rested his feet on an airplane tray table. I was appalled by this nauseating lack of the most basic manners. When will airlines take a much firmer position on the level of conduct on airplanes? Even a Waffle House would refuse service to someone not wearing a shirt. Still, airlines seem to tiptoe around whether to ban travelers whose behavior degrades the travel experience for everyone. Am I being too dramatic?

Sincerely,
Appalled in Atlanta

Dear Appalled in Atlanta,

First, let me assure you that your indignation is entirely justified and not the least bit dramatic. As the Jetiquette Judge, I'm here to ensure that the wild, wacky, and just plain uncouth world of airplane behavior doesn't go unnoticed. I understand how distressing it can be to sit next to a person whose feet have embarked on their own personal journey of airborne conquest.

Ah, the airplane tray table — a device meant for serving inflight meals, or perhaps supporting an electronic device for some mid-flight entertainment. What a thrill to discover that someone has repurposed this utilitarian piece of equipment into a footrest! It's the sort of creativity one might expect from a group of starving artists, not a cabin full of weary travelers.

The unfortunate reality, dear Appalled, is that the skies are teeming with footloose passengers, unaware or unfazed by the olfactory offense they inflict on others. As fellow patrons of the sky, we must rally together to bring an end to this odorous ordeal. In a world where shoes are veritably flying off the feet of the audacious, it's time to declare that enough is enough!

The Jetiquette Judge has heard your cries, Appalled, and I agree wholeheartedly that something must be done. Yet, in all fairness, airlines are already burdened with managing a plethora of peculiar passengers. With unruly behavior becoming more common, flight attendants are more akin to bouncers at a dive bar than the cabin-crew equivalent of a five-star maître d'.

So, what can we do about this? I propose a new flight classification system: "Barefoot Class" and "Business Casual Class." Airlines could offer "Barefoot Class" for those who see air travel as a chance to kick off their shoes and engage in some in-flight yoga. This Barefoot Class would also be free of inflight service and the presence of Flight Attendants. Meanwhile, the "Business Casual Class" would provide a haven for passengers who appreciate the simple pleasures of closed-toe shoes and tray tables free from the musings of wandering feet.

Alas, Appalled, the only solution that seems reasonable for now is to be vigilant, perhaps offering a pointed glare at the barefooted belligerent, or, in extreme cases, deploying the ever-effective method of the exaggerated sigh. In the meantime, remember to keep your own feet firmly planted on the ground, or at the very least, in your own personal foot space.

May your next flight be free of sockless shenanigans, and may you find yourself surrounded by passengers who understand the true meaning of civilized air travel.

Yours in haughty hosiery,
The Jetiquette Judge